Paris Hilton's Greybar Diaries -- So Much for the Afterglow

"I feel like I've started my journey and I'm going to continue every day to find out more about myself."
-Paris Hilton on Larry King, June 27



June 27:
No time to waste. Tonight I found out that suspenders aren't very flattering on a young woman, even when she's topless. Thanks for making a fan's dream come true, Larry.


June 28:
Today I found out that if I wake up right at noon, my clock doesn't say a.m. or p.m. My curiosity was not satisfied. I went to the Encyclopedia, which is bunch of books with the same title, and I found out that it's because noon is a twelve that isn't in the morning or the afternoon. I mean, how could noon be after noon? Don't be ridiculous. In fact, noon is the "m," which stands for "merinian" or something. I think I will be visiting the Encyclopedia many more times in my life.


Next day...June 29:
Today I found out that my love for the Encyclopedia was short-lived. I tried to look up myself so I could learn more, and I wasn't even in there. Can you believe it? I tried to return it and get a better one, but it turns out Domenico Vacca doesn't even make Encyclopedias.


June 30:
Today I found out that I miss the people in jail: Old Three-Teeth, A-Frame, Big Suzy, and Brick House. I also found out that I don't remember their real names. Except for Big Suzy. Her real name is Suzy.


June 31:
Today I found out that June only has 30 days. This isn't technically about me, but since today isn't really even a day, I think that's okay.


August 1:
Today I self-administered the Szondi test, which was named for its creator, Léopold Szondi, who was a prominent Hungarian psychiatrist at the Eötvös Loránd University in Budapest. The Szondi test esembles the more well-known Rorschach test in some regard, with one key distinction--instead of abstract inkblots, it employs cards printed with realistic photographs of the faces of mental patients and asks test subjects to select the two most appealing and two least appealing faces. Those choices inform a psychological profile of the subject, particularly with regard to Szondi's four drive-vectors, each of which is subdivided into two constituting factors: the S-Vector or sexual drive (divided into the homosexual and sadistic factors), the P- Vector or paroxysmal-surprise drive (divided into the epileptic and hysterical factors), the Sch-Vector or the ego drive (divided into the catatonic and paranoid factors), and the C-Vector or contact drive (made up of the depressive and maniac factors). I found out that if you put the cards into a fan shape and shake them, you can cool the air around your face.




August 2:
I like jellybeans. Who knew?

August 3:
Okay. Done.