'Idol' Voters Have Spoken: No Mandate for Melinda

News Source : Washington Post

No, not Melinda. No, no, no, no, no.

Melinda Doolittle, the most polished singer in the history of "American Idol" -- she effortlessly channeled Carmen McRae, Tina Turner, Aretha Franklin, Whitney Houston, just name your diva and stand back -- was voted off last night. That leaves Jordin Sparks, a big-voiced but inexperienced teenager from Arizona, and Blake Edwards, a hyperkinetic fashion victim who interrupts his performances with beat-box vocalese, to compete next week in the finals.

Melinda's dismissal stunned even Jordin and Blake -- she was that much better. Melinda had made her living as a backup singer, which meant she had chops. Her command of breath, tone, her phrasing were those of a professional singer. Jordin and Blake, let's face it, probably couldn't spell vibrato, let alone modulate it.

But her departure wasn't entirely unexpected. For all her talent and accomplishment, Melinda had little of the sparkle and fizz that people expect from a pop star. Everything about Jordin and Blake seemed younger -- they are younger, truth be told -- and it's a truism that America worships youth.

In that sense, the result was probably good for the "Idol" franchise. Yes, it's something of a problem when the best-singer-by-a-mile gets booted. But "Idol" needs to appeal to a young demographic. Television isn't about justice; it's about parking the right eyeballs in front of the flat-screen, preferably without a DVR attached.

This is our children's world. We are mere trespassers.

Last night's show was larded with the usual non-nutritional filler. We saw Jordin's whirlwind "Idol"-escorted trip home to Glendale, Ariz. She broke up at being reunited with her best friend -- she's only 17, remember -- and seemed to spend the rest of her stay in tears.

Blake, on the other hand, had a grand old time on his trip home to Puget Sound. It took a flight in a private jet, another flight in a seaplane and a ride in a stretch-limo SUV to get him to his family's doorstep, where his parents awaited. Blake's father then promptly began to weep.

Next came a performance by Elliott Yamin, the angel-voiced, charismatically challenged "Idol" finalist from last season. He was there to sell his eponymous new album. He also got to show off his new clothes, his new hairdo and, most important, his new teeth.

Then we got to see Melinda's trip home to Nashville, where she got something more than the royal treatment. At a minimum, it was the "empress of all she surveys" treatment. The state of Tennessee proclaimed "Melinda Doolittle Day," the city renamed a street "Melinda Doolittle Way," and while the eager throngs did not strew rose petals in her path, they would have if she'd only asked.

After the Melinda Experience, we got a performance by Maroon 5. As Adam Levine crooned the band's new single, Blake stood with the other finalists in the wings and mouthed the words, shadowing Levine's every movement. We have long suspected that Blake imagines himself to be the real Adam Levine. If Adam Levine ever has problems with a stalker, I know where the authorities might start.

Finally, at 9:56 p.m., host Ryan Seacrest read the results. Jordin, despite having given three mediocre performances the night before, was safe. Melinda, unjustly, got the ax. And Blake survived to do his beat-box-boy thing one more time.

News Source : Washington Post

Melinda Doolittle at Belmont University in Nashville, Tenn.

Melinda Doolittle rides in a car through a crowd of fans at Belmont University in Nashville, Tenn., Friday, May 11, 2007. (AP Photo, Mark Humphrey)

Rocker, Bye, Baby!

On ''American Idol,'' punky, spunky Gina Glocksen goes home after falling short in the voting to Haley, Phil, and You-Know-Who

Michael Slezak has the night off. He's going to hack into Votefortheworst.com in a desperate attempt to put an end to the You-Know-Who madness. (Oh, if only!) But fear not, Michael will be back next week! In the meantime, help yourself to a taste of his webcast series, Idolatry. It's magically delicious. Before we begin, is anybody out there cataloging the ever-evolving variety of Seacrest psych-outs employed every Wednesday night? Ryan, you rascal, just when I think I know what you're up to... After dividing the final nine into three groups of three (someone's smarter than a fifth grader!), our host let Jordin, Melinda, and LaKisha sit down, then wasted no time in granting a reprieve to the trio of Blake, Chris, and Sanjaya — a boy-band-gone-wrong tableau waiting restlessly in the shadows of center stage. As Ryan confronted the bottom threesome, did anyone even notice him let Phil break for safety? Or were you all too busy contemplating how you'll feel if our hapless, tuneless antihero (Mr. Malakar) actually goes all the way and wins this thing? As for Simon, Randy, and Marian the Librarian (the gal in the middle there), they seemed nonplussed when asked to comment on the bottom two vote-getters, Gina and Haley. I wish I could say I did more than shrug when Ryan broke the bad news to Gina the Nice Grrrl. (Yes. She really is both. Unless, of course, her edgy look is a contrivance I've fallen for.) I had kinda sorta started to care about her: In her last few episodes, G.G. came across as a genuine sweetheart, with some talent to boot. But that ''Smile'' did her in. Her actual (gorgeous) smile aside, something about such a straightforward — and sweetly arranged, and perfectly in tune, and confidently calm — performance from the tongue-studded, black-clad ''rocker chick'' obviously didn't resonate with fans. Only in the final moments of Wednesday's results show did Gina pour her heart into those same gushy lyrics to make for a moving farewell encore. As the orchestra swelled, and Ryan passed her the mike, and she gulped, ''This is hard,'' I felt bad that I'd never voted for her. At least we know that, with reliable pipes like hers, she'll make a strong showing on tour. The same, of course, cannot be said for all of the lucky eight individuals who remain. Well, let us march forth bravely into the future with Sunny McGigglygrin (a.k.a. Jordin Sparks, my current prediction to win) and her comrades Spikey Beatbox, Sexy Flexyboy, Count Baldy, Kiki Belta Bignote, Shinylegs Scarnato, and Mindy DooSomethingAboutThatAwShucksPhoniness. Am I forgetting anyone? Oh, right. Can we just say that we all noticed Sanjaya's new bob haircut and leave it at that and not give him any more attention? (His high-fiving dad is pretty irresistible, though, I must admit.) Michael said it best in yesterday's TV Watch: This too shall pass. Howard Stern, please have mercy on us, the Idol faithful! With the flu sidelining this week's guest vocal coach, Tony Bennett, understudy Michael Bublé popped by to phone in an utterly forgettable rendition of ''Call Me Irresponsible.'' I actually thought, ''Hmmm. You started out a little pitchy.'' For reals! Which got me thinking: He's young enough that, had the fates been less kind, he might actually have been an Idol contestant instead of a guest star. What might the judges have said about his performance tonight? Randy: ''Dawg, you worked it out'' (of course). Paula: ''You touch me. With your soul, and your charming besferperpawackadoo. Sail through!'' Simon: ''I love your smirk. Smashing. You're not very current, though.'' And what was with the smarmy Antonella Barba joke Bublé made to Ryan just before they cut to commercial? Think his girlfriend, The Devil Wears Prada's Emily Blunt, likes him for his sense of humor? And he made a wacky suggestion to you kids watching at home while plugging his CD: ''Steal your parents' credit cards.'' Call him irresponsible, indeed! Here's what's too bad about Gina's departure. She could have really kicked it next week when the show welcomes, that's right, Jenny from the Block. Let's get loud, people! J to tha L-O! I think we should embrace Jennifer Lopez as a perfect fit — the ultimate style-over-substance vocalist giving singing tips during the most style-over-substance season in Idol history. Will she coach Haley to Spanish-language crossover success? Will she turn Blake into a Fly Boy, giving him a few more dance moves to add to his signature heely-ankly robot spin? Will she spritz the ladies with Glow perfume and tell them to keep it real? Judging from your postings on our message board after the Tuesday competition night, it looks like many of you expected Haley to go home this week. From Garth: ''This season is fast becoming a train wreck. Sanjaya believing he is the Little Engine That Could...and following up the rear, so to speak, Haley's Caboose.'' From Donkeygrooming: ''The best part of the show? Tony Bennett disses her attempts to flirt during the rehearsal, and implies Haley is about as sharp as a bowling ball for misunderstanding the meaning of 'Ain't Misbehavin'.' '' From DD: ''Wouldn't it be great if Haley put as much thought into her vocals as she does her cleavage/leg-exposing outfits?'' What do you think about the results tonight? Will you miss Gina? Were her medieval Robin Hood boots a fashion hit or miss? Are you looking forward to J. Lo's appearance on the show next week? And if you're entering the Idol songwriting contest, which contestant would you want to sing your song?